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Guest 4. Frances Corbett

23/2/18


Frankie moved to London in October 2016



“I know I said I was thankful for my legs that carry me everywhere around London yesterday but what the fuck I am tired. On the nice side of things, I bought a falafel wrap today. Yes.” My diary - Monday 22nd January 2018.

My words about London have been waiting to spill out of me for a long while now, and they have finally arrived. It took myself a sufficient amount of time to begin, knowing that they would never quite fall how I wanted them to. Here is my short attempt at voicing a few words on a city I both love and hate.

I’m not a small town girl. I love my hometown/where I grew up; being surrounded by an abundance of green, having my family nearby, the air being so fresh. It’s just not quite me. My patience is extremely short (as I’ve finally come to terms with), and I longed for something new to sink my teeth into. London called.

When arriving, it was all excitement. Moving out, properly, for university was always going to be, and the mixture of excitement and nerves was overwhelming. In my own experience, nowhere in London is quite the same and the exploring just does not stop. I am still not bored. The many different cultures that this city holds. The enrapturing, mismatching boroughs which spurt with varying fashion styles. The foods which are so similar yet dissimilar to what I am used to. The tube dropping me quickly into areas far from where I live, yet allowing me to swiftly arrive home without relying on an Arriva bus to (perhaps) arrive in the next hour. I could go on.

This is where I start to trip up over my words, because I am not quite sure what happened. Returning to London this year proved to be difficult. So, so difficult. I never imagined that this tremendous city, filled with mountains of people, could make me feel so alone. My social circles, naturally, became a little smaller after moving out of halls and my independence shot through the roof. Being surrounded by my closest friends was beautiful and I am so grateful for the friendship they have given me, but despite all this, I crawled up into a shell. Somewhere throughout my first semester, I think I lost a little of myself. The confidence that I’ve always prided myself with disappeared. I lost sight of the values which I hold so dearly and the goals which I want to achieve. People proved to be different from who I originally thought they were and I was more than ready to leave. I felt like a bird trapped in a cage. London continued as usual and this huge city which I fell in love with so quickly pummelled into me. I have felt alone before, but the loneliness that consumed me for this time was something else. In the grand scheme of things, this all sounds kinda pathetic and insignificant, but at the time, it hurt.

One morning I told myself it had to change and I had to reconcile with everything. All the negativity which was flooding over me from certain people I decided I erase and I gave myself small goals to work towards. I told myself I would walk everywhere which I still do and absolutely love (an hour to and from Strand and Waterloo isn’t THAT bad, stop complaining that you have to walk for twenty minutes pfffffft). I found a tiny (and I really mean tiny) love for exercising and BOY I TELL YOU NOW, I am looking GOOD. I started making little candles. I made time for myself and for the people I love the most. I wrote lists of what I am thankful for. I opened my eyes wider.

The last two years in this weird place have been a little of a mystery to me. Even though I switch between loving and hating this city, I still hold it dearly. I don’t quite know how I ended up so lucky, experiencing the wonder that quickly grasped me and whisked me away to a city which has proven to be strong, swallowing me whole. I don’t think I will ever quite get over the awe which London has set me in, for many reasons. I have watched myself grow in a considerable amount of ways. Some of my happiest and saddest moments have occurred here and continue to shape me. I’ve watched myself fall in love, with people and the world and most importantly, my own body. I’ve watched myself learn and accept what I want most in life, and learn that being alone is okay. I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was. I never would have guessed that all I needed was this city to give me that push.

“I am so lucky to be here and to have what I have. I could write that on every page in this book and it still wouldn’t be enough.” My diary - Tuesday 6th February 2018.



‘The Sea’ runs March 1-3 at Camden People’s Theatre

Tickets available here: https://www.cptheatre.co.uk/production/the-sea/

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