Skip to main content

Guest 4. Frances Corbett

23/2/18


Frankie moved to London in October 2016



“I know I said I was thankful for my legs that carry me everywhere around London yesterday but what the fuck I am tired. On the nice side of things, I bought a falafel wrap today. Yes.” My diary - Monday 22nd January 2018.

My words about London have been waiting to spill out of me for a long while now, and they have finally arrived. It took myself a sufficient amount of time to begin, knowing that they would never quite fall how I wanted them to. Here is my short attempt at voicing a few words on a city I both love and hate.

I’m not a small town girl. I love my hometown/where I grew up; being surrounded by an abundance of green, having my family nearby, the air being so fresh. It’s just not quite me. My patience is extremely short (as I’ve finally come to terms with), and I longed for something new to sink my teeth into. London called.

When arriving, it was all excitement. Moving out, properly, for university was always going to be, and the mixture of excitement and nerves was overwhelming. In my own experience, nowhere in London is quite the same and the exploring just does not stop. I am still not bored. The many different cultures that this city holds. The enrapturing, mismatching boroughs which spurt with varying fashion styles. The foods which are so similar yet dissimilar to what I am used to. The tube dropping me quickly into areas far from where I live, yet allowing me to swiftly arrive home without relying on an Arriva bus to (perhaps) arrive in the next hour. I could go on.

This is where I start to trip up over my words, because I am not quite sure what happened. Returning to London this year proved to be difficult. So, so difficult. I never imagined that this tremendous city, filled with mountains of people, could make me feel so alone. My social circles, naturally, became a little smaller after moving out of halls and my independence shot through the roof. Being surrounded by my closest friends was beautiful and I am so grateful for the friendship they have given me, but despite all this, I crawled up into a shell. Somewhere throughout my first semester, I think I lost a little of myself. The confidence that I’ve always prided myself with disappeared. I lost sight of the values which I hold so dearly and the goals which I want to achieve. People proved to be different from who I originally thought they were and I was more than ready to leave. I felt like a bird trapped in a cage. London continued as usual and this huge city which I fell in love with so quickly pummelled into me. I have felt alone before, but the loneliness that consumed me for this time was something else. In the grand scheme of things, this all sounds kinda pathetic and insignificant, but at the time, it hurt.

One morning I told myself it had to change and I had to reconcile with everything. All the negativity which was flooding over me from certain people I decided I erase and I gave myself small goals to work towards. I told myself I would walk everywhere which I still do and absolutely love (an hour to and from Strand and Waterloo isn’t THAT bad, stop complaining that you have to walk for twenty minutes pfffffft). I found a tiny (and I really mean tiny) love for exercising and BOY I TELL YOU NOW, I am looking GOOD. I started making little candles. I made time for myself and for the people I love the most. I wrote lists of what I am thankful for. I opened my eyes wider.

The last two years in this weird place have been a little of a mystery to me. Even though I switch between loving and hating this city, I still hold it dearly. I don’t quite know how I ended up so lucky, experiencing the wonder that quickly grasped me and whisked me away to a city which has proven to be strong, swallowing me whole. I don’t think I will ever quite get over the awe which London has set me in, for many reasons. I have watched myself grow in a considerable amount of ways. Some of my happiest and saddest moments have occurred here and continue to shape me. I’ve watched myself fall in love, with people and the world and most importantly, my own body. I’ve watched myself learn and accept what I want most in life, and learn that being alone is okay. I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was. I never would have guessed that all I needed was this city to give me that push.

“I am so lucky to be here and to have what I have. I could write that on every page in this book and it still wouldn’t be enough.” My diary - Tuesday 6th February 2018.



‘The Sea’ runs March 1-3 at Camden People’s Theatre

Tickets available here: https://www.cptheatre.co.uk/production/the-sea/

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

So I thought I should tell you...

10.9.17 So I thought I should tell you: So when I was about 15, I was pretty sure I was gay. It only really lasted a month. I remember exactly when the thought occurred to me. I was sitting on the bus, just about to get off and I saw an Italian-looking guy with curly brown hair. Tall, slim, raincoat, walking with his bike. I thought to myself ‘He’s really hot.’ And then a moment or two later, ‘Maybe I find guys attractive’. So obviously this didn’t last. I’m not gay. And this experience doesn’t necessarily mean that I was gay. That’s just what my 15 year old head told me. ‘You find guys attractive. So you’re gay’. It wasn’t a scary, or particularly surprising possibility. I’d heard of gay people, and they seemed fine. No problems there. I wasn’t particularly bothered about the possibility that I might like guys rather than girls. Or at least as well as girls. I think the factors leading to this moment were not uncommon. It was probably just that most men don’t dress very
Post a Comment
Read more

So I thought I should talk about: 'Gay'

6/9/17 The play I’m working on, Hommo, is about masculinity and the (homo)sexuality of hypermasculine relationships when they come into conflict. I see this sexual conflict in the gym and on the sports field, as the obvious examples, but it can also be seen in radically different circumstances. I want to ask what circumstances create the use of ‘gay’ as a negative term, and why men say ‘that’s gay’. ‘Hommo’ follows two men as they plan to kill a woman, and simultaneously one dates a different woman. This narrative confronts sexuality on many levels: heterosexual desire for the woman as a sexual object, both in the act of sex, and assassination. But the central focus is the sexual-conflict between the two men as they battle with each other to establish their total masculinity. . I feel that all relationships, of any gender, exhibit what’s known as the ‘master-slave dynamic’. All couples, partners, lovers, will have realms of life in which one is the superior, the more capable,
1 comment
Read more

Guest 3. Will Ward

19/2/18 Will Ward moved to London in October 2016 I’m sitting in the café on the first floor of the KCL Strand Campus drinking a smoothie I prepped the night before. I’ve just come out of a lecture on Aristotle and I’ve got a seminar at eleven. It’s sunny today. I’m going home this weekend to babysit my brother while my parents are on holiday. I’ve asked my mum to buy me some Meridian Hazelnut and Cocoa Spread. This little gem is basically healthy Nutella. Hazelnut butter mixed with cocoa, coconut, sunflower oil and a little bit of honey. Later today I’ll go to Fernandez & Wells at Somerset House with some friends and have lunch. The coffee there is okay but I prefer Press. Some girl with rounded turtle glasses and curly black hair walks over to the drinks rack. My phone’s on airplane mode in my bag. One night, about a month into my first year, I went out to XOYO. It was ‘Monday Monday’ which meant free entry before eleven. Pre-drinks was at one of my friend’s halls. T
Post a Comment
Read more